before we all burn

I am too acutely aware of my own mortality. I've lived every day, since that awful hangover and text message, like I was dead the next. I've broken hearts, killed parts of myself and met people and seen things I never thought I would. I think it's time for me to gear it back just a bit, take a larger perspective. I don't wanna be broke, sick and sad before I leave for Scotland. I want Paige to see me at my smartest, quickest, best dressed, not the gambling, drinking, suicidial reprobate I've been. I wanna be a better man for her, for my mother, for my father, for my friends, for the world. I've so much to give and I've just been keeping it to myself, squandering it at bars and poker tables. It's time to give without sacrifice, receive without greed. I hope I can keep this attitude for 4 more months.