through recessions and addictions

I'm finally hitting the mineral stage of adulthood. The man I thought I was gonna be, was trying to be, was trying to pointlessly avoid, to flat out run from, is the man I have started to become. I drink my coffee black, once because I was trying to impress a 32 year old beauty, now because I like it. I drink whiskey, once because I thought it'd make me more like my father, now because it's burn is normal. I smoked cigarettes to hang out with a specific group of people on my friend's porch, now I am one of those people. It's more than that, though. The regretful way I roll out of bed in the mornings, the smile that crosses my lips when someone laughs at my jokes, the way my eyes always have a sad cast to them. Those affectations, those habits we so assiusdously cultivate or fruitlessly try to prune, those are what we become and make us the people we will be till old age. I am what I am and, while there is still some flexibility in these old bones, the calcification is starting and I find myself pretty okay with that.